Overheard conversation....

Comments

  • Boss: David?

    (pause)

    DDG: Boss? Why are you looking at me that way? It's very unnerving.
    Boss: I'm trying to see into your soul David--
    DDG: Stop it! This is seriously creepy.
    Boss: ... I'm trying to work out if you've been taken over by dark forces.
    DDG: Ah that... no, Jose didn't do any lasting damage....

    Boss: I'm concerned that - now Kiko is... gone...
    DDG: Do you mean Iker? Where is he by the way - I've not seen him around the club in the last day or so?
    Boss: That's not important right now. Given you don't have any competition for the keeper's spot, I wonder if you're starting to.. get a bit complacent. You know - not pay attention during the game?
    DDG: What makes you say that boss? (pause) Oh - that... Well, if you really want to know the truth, I'm a bit jealous of Gary getting all the goals. I thought to myself - how hard can it be to score a goal? (pause) It's not that hard, you know?

    (sound of boss sobbing...)


    [Note: Imagine how frustrating it would be if this happened in a WL game...
    Oh wait - it did....]

  • FootyFootyFootball
    2582 posts Fans' Favourite
    :D :D :D
  • Boss: Err... Guys?
    VVD: We know what you're going to say boss. But it's not fair on Auba. He'd spent the first 30 minutes not getting a touch in the box, and because of how we were playing, we couldn't see that changing.
    Boss: So?!?
    AT: So I passed it back to him when I could have just cleared it.
    FR: As did I. Just threw in a slide there to get my shorts dirty, give Beryl the kit-lady something to do later...
    Boss: But Auba's on the opposition?
    DDG: Yes, but you're always telling us to enjoy the game. Doesn't that go for the opposition as well?

    (sound of boss sobbing...)


    [Note: All four of my players in the six yard box do something that's best described as "crap"...]


  • DDG: What do you think boss?
    Boss: I'm missing N'golo...
    DDG: What?
    Boss: Oh, nothing.
    DDG: No, about what I did earlier?
    Boss: I'm sorry. I couldn't really see you?

    DDG: Exactly! People tell me I look like a big fat lime in that new keeper's kit, and I'm getting fed up. So I thought, when a shot comes in, if I turn sideways, it makes me look thinner... Works, huh?!?


    (sound of boss sobbing...)


  • DDG: I'd like to make a transfer request boss
    Boss: Noooo!!!!! You can't leave us! If you do I'll stomp my feet and cry and cry and cry--

    DDG: No boss. I want to recommend a new player for you to bring INTO the club, boss.
    Boss: Ah - ok. Who?
    DDG: Radamel Falcao. Although you'll need to use your time-travelling machine to get the version him from seven years ago. Because the current version of him is pretty useless.
    Boss: Why do you think we need him?
    DDG: Well, he scored a great goal against us in the last match. I could only only stand and watch...

    (pause)

    Boss: You didn't think it might possibly be an idea to... oh, I don't know... stick out a hand and save it?!?
    DDG: Boss?!? You mean - I'm allowed to save shots in the last minutes of games?!? Wow! Why did no-one tell me that before...

    (sound of boss sobbing...)

    [Note: It was a fantastically taken goal, but the way David watches it go right past him is priceless....]

  • Boss: Thomas, thanks for coming in. Can I just say - it's good to have you in the club.
    TD: Thanks for believing in me enough to buy me boss. I appreciate it.
    Boss: Well.... we didn't actually pay any money for you. Just got rid of a few players who weren't ever going to get a game. Indeed - I don't even know most of their names...
    TD: Oh.
    Boss: But never mind...

    TD: Thanks for bringing me on for my debut performance just now boss. I thought I did pretty well in those last few minutes.
    Boss: How are you defining "pretty well", Thomas?
    TD: Got stuck in, was disruptive, made a great block on the keeper in the last minute to stop him getting to a corner...

    Boss: Can I stop you right there Thomas? You did indeed block the keeper. But... you blocked David. Have you met him? He plays for us. You blocked your own flipping' goalkeeper

    (pause)

    TD: Oh...
    Boss: Oh indeed.

    (sound of boss sobbing)

    [Note: As the corner comes in, just focus on David (the guy in green), and watch what happens to him. Oh, and I wasn't pressing the triangle button to bring him out]


  • Boss: David, Sergio. As two of my trusted senior players, I want to run a possible new signing past you.
    DDG: Sure.
    Boss: This guy really impressed me in our recent game - great movement to get away from Sergio, and then three fantastic finishes past David - all from outside the box.
    SR: He was very good boss. Made us all look ... foolish. I'd not come across him before.
    DDG: Me neither
    Boss: Nor me (shuffle of papers) Here we are... Steeve Beusnard?
    DDG: Steeve? That a mis-spelling boss?
    Boss: Nope. Steeve it is.

    DDG: But can we afford him boss? Funds are tight after we brought in Georgie...
    Boss: Well, I've made enquiries, and I think I can pick him up for 200
    SR: Two hundred thousand? Do it now boss - with finishing like that it's a steal. No-one in our team has scored goals like that, let alone three in the same game...

    Boss: Great - thanks, guys (sound of more shuffling) Hold on! It's 200 coins. Not 200,000...

    (sound of boss sobbing...)


    [Note: Three stunning goals, from a 60 rated striker with 67 Finishing, 64 Shot Power and 60 Long Shots. This was on Legendary, against a 67 rated team with 47 Chemistry (I didn't see what individual Chemistry he was on - but I think he only had red links). I used to think that the different SB levels just impacted the opponent's Attacking Intelligence, Reaction Speed and Marking & Space (as per the level selection screen). But clearly individual's abilities are boosted at those higher levels as well]





  • Boss: Roberto, I don't say this lightly. But I think you're going to have to stop going horse-riding in your spare time.
    RF: But boss! I love the riding! The wind in my air, the feeling of freedom, the big powerful beast between my legs...
    Boss: Woah there, Roberto!
    RF: But why you want me to stop?

    Boss: Well, all that horse riding has ... well, I'm not sure how to put this delicately .... your legs are all bowed.
    RF: You've never seen John Wayne?
    Boss: John Wayne? Nope - the scouts haven't mentioned him before. Is he that midfielder at Port Vale?
    RF: No boss. He was famous cowboy. He also had bowed legs, from riding the horse.

    (sound of boss sobbing...)

    [Note: Do I need to say that this happened in the last minute of a game?]

  • GB: Boss - who are the Quins?
    Boss: Georgie? The Quins are a rugby team. (pause) Why do you want to know?
    GB: They called and asked if I fancied a game on Saturday? Is that ok - I think you said we won't be playing that day because we're always crap on a Saturday?
    Boss: Errr... I'm not sure that's a good idea Georgie. It's a rough game - what happens if you get injured?
    GB: Well, they've said I don't need to worry - they saw enough in the last minute of the recent game to know I can handle myself against the big boys...


    (sound of boss sobbing...)

    [Note: It's not the best video quality, but as the shot gets taken focus on Georgie (number 24, who's in between the shot and the goal). Not only does he duck out of the way of the ball, he also dump-tackles the defender. Rescued a point...]


  • DL: Yo Big Dog! I'm taking the afternoon off training tomorrow. I'll go do some more bare-chested wood-cutting, then had a few MMA fights, and then if I've time I'll go and beat up some guys who look at me funny.

    (pause)

    Boss: David? I know...
    DL: Know what?
    Boss: I know you like to give off this aura of being macho and tough, but in reality I know you're a big softie who likes kittens and puppies and the colour pink and ribbons in your hair and--
    DL: No!!! (pause) Well, maybe just a little...
    Boss: So we'll see you at training tomorrow?
    DL: Actually, is it ok if I take it off please boss? I've just enrolled in a needlework class...


    (sound of boss sobbing...)

    [Note: I know he's up against Lukaku, who's also strong, but I'd still expect someone with 90 Strength and 97 Aggression to be a bit more... robust. Obviously not, if his team are behind....]



  • AT: Boss? You wanted to see me?
    Boss: Ah, Alex. I don't care what or who you do in your spare time. But promise me one thing - if you're going to have an affair, don't have it with the wife of the ref who's officiating your upcoming match. Because when the ref finds out, he'll grab any opportunity to send you off
    AT: I got the ball boss!
    Boss: Yes... But afterwards your head hit the man. You know you can't do that Alex...

    (pause)

    Boss: Take their Zlatan - he assaulted Frank off the ball, but the ref waved play on. He made sure he did it off camera, but more importantly Zlatan had bought the boss' wife some flowers the day before - so the ref was happy to wave play on. You could learn a lot from him.

    (sound of boss sobbing...)



  • KDB: Boss?

    (sound of boss sobbing....)


  • Boss: Kyle?
    KW: Hi. (pause) Sorry - who are you again?
    Boss: I'm your manager
    KW: Oh yeah. I don't see you much these days, what with me being dropped to the reserves and everything.
    Boss: Do you remember why you were dropped Kyle?
    KW: Because I kept letting balls go past me at corners.
    Boss: Right. So we were rather hoping you'd work on that aspect of your game. You haven't, have you?
    KW: Sorry boss - I was too busy learning how to spell my name...

    (sound of boss sobbing...)


  • Boss: David, Riyad. What are we now - the Harlem flipping' Globetrotters?!?
    RM: People are complaining that the games are getting boring. So we want to give them some excitement. Make it entertaining...

    (sound of boss sobbing...)




  • DDG: Boss? You ok?

    (sound of boss sobbing...)

    [Note: this was in the 84th minute. I was ahead. David's on full chemistry.
    What I particularly love is David's reaction afterwards, as if he's just made the save of the century....
    To anyone who says that the game doesn't have "shifting dynamic moments" - or whatever we're allowed to call them - you're completely, utterly wrong.]

  • Chavez76
    2505 posts Fans' Favourite
    Still thread of the year!
  • Boss: Great session this morning boys. And I'll see the defenders after lunch to work on how we stop those flipping' kick-off goals.
    AN: Sorry boss - me and my main man Virgil ain't around this afternoon.
    VVD: Yes - we have our dancing lessons on a Wednesday.

    Boss: Dancing?
    AN: Yeah - it's right sick, innit Virg?

    Boss: DANCING ?!?
    VVD: We've been doing it for a while now?
    Boss: Well, I guess if it means you spend more time with your wives...

    (pause)
    VVD: Errrmm - Alessandro and I actually dance together. We've even been trying some of our moves out mid-match...

    (sound of boss sobbing....)

  • Boss: Kev, Eden - I thought I'll work with you both on some specialised free kick training later, while the defenders are practising standing motionless after kick-off?
    KDB: Are you saying our free kicks are crap?!? Come here and say that, you ******* **** of ****!

    EH: Calm down Kev. I'll handle this. (pause) The thing is, boss, we've both just started working with a specialist free kick expert. And he's said that it's best not to complicate things with other opinions.

    KDB: **** you, loser!
    EH: The coach has said he's really pleased with our progress, and we've very nearly perfected them.

    (sound of boss sobbing...)




  • Boss: Eden? What's your job?
    EH: I'm an entertainer. I entertain.
    Boss: You don't possibly think that scoring goals and winning football games is more important?
    EH: If you don't mind me saying, that is a very out-dated way of thinking boss...

    (sound of boss sobbing....)


  • Boss: Guys, welcome. I don't know your names, but frankly, I don't care, as you're all utterly crap and won't ever get a game.
    CT: But we played recently? We got to wear the real kit and everything.
    Boss: It was a mistake. It won't happen again. Right, who's the striker?
    LM: That's me, Lucas Melano.
    Boss: Whatever. Next time the ball comes near you in the box - why not just stick out something - your stomach, your knob, and deflect it in?
    LM: Great idea boss.

    Boss: And who's the keeper?
    HL: Helt--
    Boss: Right lad, your job is very simple. Keep the ball out of the net. Got it? Ball out of net. Don't drop the ball on the opposition's foot and then pretend you've been fouled....

    (sound of boss sobbing...)


    [Note: I'm sure I'm not the only one who's discovered that whilst Silvers can actually be great, when they're crap, they're really crap...]



  • Boss: I'm going to break this to you gently... You're both fired!!!
    AG: What?!?!
    DB: What?!?!!
    Boss: Dennis Bergkamp! Dennis Bergkamp! Dennis Bergkamp!
    DB: I do wish you wouldn't do that boss...
    Boss: Oh come on Dennis, lighten up.
    DB: It's not even a very good Dutch accent...

    AG: Can we get back to the subject please? We’re fired?!?!
    Boss: Antoine, you and Dennis have been good for this club. You've put the effort in, led the line well and occasionally scored goals. But... life moves on. I feel it's time for an upgrade - bring in someone who can give us that bit of extra magic.

    AG: I'll admit I'm not surprised boss. When you can afford the likes of Christiano, Hristo and possibly even Johan, then it was only a matter of time before we got pushed down to the reserves.

    (pause)

    Boss: Who?
    DB: You know - Ronaldo, Stoichkov, Cruyff? That's who you're thinking of bringing in, yes?

    Boss: No. He’s called… (sound of papers shuffling) Sean.
    AG: Who?!?!
    Boss: Sean Mcloughlin. You sure you've not heard of him?
    DB: Is he at Real? Bayern?
    Boss: No. Cork City.

    (pause)

    Boss: Anyway, he scored that amazing goal in his recent game against us - running towards goal outside the area - and without looking at all - he let the ball go through his legs...
    AG: Don't you mean between his legs?
    Boss: No - through them. He has this weird ability to shape-shift... Anyway, without looking, he hits the ball first time as it's coming through his legs, up and over and round David, and BAM! we've conceded, despite having totally bossed the first half and being a few goals up.

    DB: Boss? I've just been looking him up online, and it says he's normally a Centre Back. Has he suddenly changed position like some of the others?
    Boss: No - he's still a Centre Back. And that's the magic of this lad. He was playing as a striker in game, so because the rest of his team were also out of position, their chemistry was all over the place. He was on 1 chemistry. Imagine that - 1 chemistry! In a team that only had 19 overall chemistry. That meant that (paper shuffling) all his stats were reduced by 19 from his base stats.

    DB: So? You're boring us...
    Boss: Sorry. He scored that goal even though … get this…. his Composure was 24, his finishing stat was 10, his shot power 3 and his long shots stat was 2. Two !!!! This dead cactus here has a better long shot stat than that...

    AG: So he's not very good?!?
    Boss: Not at all Antoine - if he scores goals like that when his stats are so low, imagine how good he'll be when we surround him with other Irish players and play him in his real position?!? So you two are fired. Thanks, goodbye! Now, can you ask Georgie and Neymar to pop in when they have a moment please?

    (sound of boss getting very excited….)


  • Boss: David!
    DDG: Who are you?
    Boss: I'm your boss.
    DDG: Really? Still?!? I thought you'd been sacked months ago?
    Boss: No, that was just a little ... misunderstanding. N'golo's agreed to drop all charges, so I'm back in the role again. Looking to take the team onwards and upwards, scale new heights, climb new--.

    DDG: Why do you want to speak to me?

    Boss: Well, I've only been back a day, and I'm already getting concerned about your behaviour.
    DDG: There's nothing unusual going on boss. Since you've been away, there's a new goal-keeping method that's been introduced. All the top goal-keepers are doing it.
    Boss: Go on...
    DDG: If you listen to the ball - really listen to it - you can hear it talk to you. It means that the next time a shot comes in, you know what it's going to do....

    (sound of boss sobbing...)

    [Edit: I'm sure you won't need me to point out that this happened in injury time, when I was 2-0 up...]

  • LB: You wanted to see us boss?
    Boss: Yes, yes... Now, since I've been away, I've noticed we're not very adventurous with our set-piece routines. They're all a bit predictable.
    SA: But boss - we're defenders, in case you'd forgotten? That's not our job? Kev takes our free kicks and corners...
    Boss: Oh - I'm not talking about those. I'm talking about our goal-kicks.
    DDG: What?
    Boss: I think we could learn a lot from our opposition in the last match. I tell you what, you can cut short the scheduled practice working on standing around like statues straight after kick-off, and see if you can replicate what they did. Off you go....

    (sound of boss getting excited)

    [Note: Focus on what goes on in the right-back position...]

  • SA: Oh boss, one other quick thing...
    Boss: Sure. What is it?
    SA: You are going to play me as striker in the next match, aren't you?
    Boss: What?
    SA: Well, I showed a real poacher's instinct in that game. And given all of the top strikers you've had in the club are missing easy chances, I thought I might be the answer to your prayers...

    (sound of boss sobbing...)

    [Note: I didn't press anything. Thankfully he wasn't off-side....]

  • koolio76
    18 posts Ball Boy
    There's a youtube video fifaaddiction tweeted that explains your suitation.
  • Chavez76
    2505 posts Fans' Favourite
    i still love this thread!
  • @Chavez76 Thank you. I still love doing this thread just for you... 😀
  • Chavez76
    2505 posts Fans' Favourite
    @Chavez76 Thank you. I still love doing this thread just for you... 😀

    @EricVanDerek : I am flattered! :) Playing WL again this week? Will try some games myself in a few.
  • iRusty_yo
    3921 posts National Call-Up
    Such an amazing thread.

    George R R Martin could use you to finish the damn books already.
  • askperts
    419 posts Sunday League Hero
    DL: Yo Big Dog! I'm taking the afternoon off training tomorrow. I'll go do some more bare-chested wood-cutting, then had a few MMA fights, and then if I've time I'll go and beat up some guys who look at me funny.

    (pause)

    Boss: David? I know...
    DL: Know what?
    Boss: I know you like to give off this aura of being macho and tough, but in reality I know you're a big softie who likes kittens and puppies and the colour pink and ribbons in your hair and--
    DL: No!!! (pause) Well, maybe just a little...
    Boss: So we'll see you at training tomorrow?
    DL: Actually, is it ok if I take it off please boss? I've just enrolled in a needlework class...


    (sound of boss sobbing...)

    [Note: I know he's up against Lukaku, who's also strong, but I'd still expect someone with 90 Strength and 97 Aggression to be a bit more... robust. Obviously not, if his team are behind....]




    I think the Matrix-Neo-Life avoidance of the shot by DDG is interesting in that clip too. "You moved like an agent"
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