The following is a transcript of a secretly bugged conversation from the team dressing room after the most recent game:
Boss: "Mr Walker. Do you know what a post is?"
KW: "Yes boss"
Boss: "So when we ask you to take the post on corners, what does that mean?"
KW: "Stand by it, boss"
Boss: "Yeah. Right by it. Not a ball's width away from it."
KW: "Yeah boss"
Boss: "But let's move on .... What do you do then?"
... (hard to make out what is said at this point - it sounds like machinery whirring) ...
KW: "Dunno boss".
Boss: "Maybe keep the ball out when it comes to you?"
KW: "Yeah boss, but, well, you know...."
Boss: (clearly getting very angry now) "The opposition defenders can chase around after us manically all game without getting tired --"
KW: "But boss--
Boss: "Let me finish! They stick tighter to Luis here than a set of dentures to Giorgio's shoulder. They can hurl themselves in front of our shots like they're in the flipping' Matrix ... and yet you can't even move one half-step to the left to keep a shot out of our net ?!?"
... long pause ...
KW: "But boss - the game told me to let them score then..."
Boss: "Ah - why didn't you say??!? Well done son - have another bonus."